No English?
by Kitty's Muse
Summary: What if everyone except for Bella knew about and were participating in a "no English" day? And what if that was just a cover for something else? My first one-shot. Rated T because I'm paranoid. :


**I just came up with this out of the blue when I started to hum the song I learned to remember Spanish question words using the tune of jingle bells in my Spanish 1 class. :) Note: I am only in Spanish 1 so my Spanish is very basic, plus I can't type accents so please bear with me. I am translating the best that I can. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight=Stephenie Meyer, not me. **

**Bella's POV:**

"Por que why, cuando when, que what, donde where-" Nessie started to sing in a whisper to herself.

"What are you singing?" It sounded like 'Jingle Bells' except without the Christmas music.

She jumped up in surprise at me suddenly appearing behind me before she loosened up and looked at me. "¿Que?" She said, grinning at me like she was having fun confusing me. She probably was. What did "Que?" mean? (¿Que?= what?)

She grinned even wider at my puzzled expression. "Mi mama es mala, stupida, muy fea, y gorda." (My mom is bad, stupid, very ugly, and fat.) She started to laugh at my confused expression before I recognized one word.

"Did you just call me stupid?" I demanded, staring her down. She flinched back slightly from my angry glare. "What was the rest that you said?!"

"Um… No hablo ingles mama. Hablo espanol." (I don't speak English mom. I speak Spanish.) She said in her gibberish, avoiding my question. I was getting angrier every minute that she avoided my questions.

"Now, if you don't answer me in five seconds with a straight answer you will not be seeing Jacob for a week, you understand?" Nessie may technically be only about 3 ½ physically but she was very intelligent, probably more than the average adult.

"¡Papa!" (Dad!) She screamed frantically. She wasn't going to get away from me with that-

At that moment Edward appeared, smiling at Nessie and I. I turned towards him, needing an answer to her strange behavior. "Edward, why is Nessie speaking in gibberish?" I asked.

He grinned widely. "Nós estamos tendo um dia do inglês do No." ("We're having a no English day." In Portuguese.)

I groaned. "Not you too! Help me Alice!" I cried out. Maybe she would help me with their senseless blabber.

Alice came bouncing in, holding Jasper's hand. "什麼您需要幫助與？" ("What do you need help with?" in Chinese.) She said, while Jasper said "U was juist! Dit is prêt!" while grinning widely. ("You were right! This is fun!" in Dutch.)

I gaped openly in astonishment. Were they playing a prank on me or something? "Anyone help me!! I can't understand my own family!" I cried out. Someone had to be sane in this house. Anyone would do.

Tons of grinning people came in once I called. Jacob was in front with several of the other werewolves from his pack and Sam's, including Sam himself. Carlisle, Esme, Rose, and Emmett were also in the crowd.

Jacob and the other werewolves started to talk to each other in something I couldn't even make sense of. (I can't translate Quileute.) Carlisle yelled "Αναρωτιέμαι εάν πρόκειται να τον πάρει σύντομα?" ("I wonder if she's going to get it soon?" in Greek.) towards Esme over the crowd, who in turn replied "Ich denke nicht, dass sie ist. Ich denke nicht, dass sie irgendwelche Sprachkategorien in der Schule hatte." ("I don't think she is. I don't think she had any language classes in school. " in German.) "Est-ce que je ne semble pas magnifique ?" ("Don't I look gorgeous?" in French.) Rosalie said, looking away from a nearby mirror for a moment to speak to Emmett, who then said "Sembrate caldo!!" ("You look hot!" in Italian.)

I started to gasp. I was being overwhelmed by gibberish!! I needed it to stop.

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Everyone went silent for a moment, staring at me, before bursting out laughing.

"Oh, my, gosh!! I've never had so much fun in a long time!" Emmett said finally while bursting out into booming guffaws.

"You're telling me man!" Jacob agreed, giving Emmett a high-five.

"Did I do a good job daddy?" Renesmee asked Edward, a huge smile filling her entire face.

"You did your role perfectly Nessie. Good job with the Spanish!" He replied, hugging her while barely keeping himself from laughing. A couple of loud giggles still slipped out.

"What?! You were speaking Spanish the whole time?" I felt embarrassed. I would have blushed if I was still able to. But how did they all know Spanish?

"We all weren't actually speaking the same language." Edward replied, trying to keep a straight face. "We were all speaking different languages except for the werewolves, who were speaking Quileute. I was trying to tell you in Portuguese that it was a no English day." He barely managed to say before breaking out laughing.

"Fine, be that way!" I said before stomping off.

I hadn't gone far when I bumped into something hard, so it had to be another vampire.

"Dove è Carlisle?" ("Where is Carlisle?" in Italian.) the short vampire said. I didn't even look at them since they were probably laughing at me silently, on to the stupid no English day thing.

"Hahaha, speak in English please. I don't want any more of this stupid no English day thing." I said, getting annoyed that they kept on doing this to me.

"Take me to Carlisle Bella." I heard a familiar and scary voice said.

I looked down slowly, and gasped. "Oh, I'm so sorry Jane. My family and others thought it would be fun not to talk to me in English, and I don't know any other languages. I'll take you to him right now." I didn't really like Jane, but she was alone and I didn't want to get her mad either.

We walked into the room where everyone was still laughing. "Siete un perdente!" ("You are a loser!" in Italian.) Emmett cried out, still laughing hard. He froze when he looked down and saw Jane and the others finally noticed her too and went silent.

Jane gave Emmett a hard glare before turning towards Carlisle. "Aro wanted me to check that the girl was growing, just in case." She addressed to him before casting a glance towards Nessie, who was glaring at Jane very obviously. "It appears that I can leave now." At that she swept out of the room and a moment later I heard the door slam shut.

All was silent for a moment before Edward of all people started to laugh madly, falling on the floor rolling in laughter. "You- should- have- heard- what- she was- thinking! She had just come to see- to see _Jacob_!!"

The rest of us stared at him in shocked silence, not getting what was so funny about that. So what if she wanted to look at Jacob? Finally Jacob spoke up. "Ewwwww. A bloodsucker has a crush on me?! So disgusting!"

At that I started to laugh. Edward must be laughing because of Jacob's thoughts. Everyone soon followed my example and there was a ton of vampires and werewolves alike rolling on the floor shaking from laughter, tears rolling down Nessie's and the werewolves' faces.

The only one who wasn't laughing was Jacob, who was looking at us in disapproval. "So not funny." He said, walking off outside.

Edward went silent and we all did too, listening. The moment we heard the door shut we started to put our part two of our plan into action.

"And you said that you weren't good at acting." Edward said as he passed by me while I was going to Alice's room to grab my wig for the next part of the plan.

"I couldn't act when I was human. I never said I couldn't act as a vampire." I replied, grinning. "Now, we have a plan to follow through with."

"We do." He said, grabbing his wig. I put mine on snugly, pinning up my hair underneath so it wouldn't show. I then plunged into Alice's closet to grab my costume.

When I appeared again, Edward was already completely dressed. Our plan was to look like some other couple. Edward and I were dressed up as Alice and Jasper, Alice and Jasper as Emmett and Rosalie, Emmett and Rosalie as Carlisle and Esme, and Carlisle and Esme as Edward and I. The werewolves were acting and dressed up like fangirls, (their idea, not mine!) all except for Seth, Leah, and Nessie. Nessie was going to find Jacob to bring him back to the house, while Seth and Leah were going to act like the oblivious werewolves that were looking for everyone and didn't have a clue how to get rid of the "fangirls".

I had been confused when everyone started to speak in different languages but it was because they hadn't told me that they were going to do it today. I smiled to myself as I waited for the fun to begin.

It didn't take long at all for Nessie to find Jacob. I was lying on the bed next to "Jasper" when I heard the door open and part three commenced.

"Jacob! There you are!" Seth said, sounding very desperate. He was very good at his job, probably since he always seemed oblivious to some things.

"Yeah, we've been looking everywhere for you!" Leah added in.

I almost laughed. They sounded so convincing. I glanced over to Edward to see that he was barely holding back laughter too.

"Can you help us? Everyone suddenly left us alone, and we can't find any of the pack. Plus there's a whole bunch of annoying fangirls all over the place." I heard him as Sam and Paul snuck from their hiding place in Alice's bathroom. They winked at us as they started to scream at their cue from Seth.

"Like, OMG, its Alice Cullen!!!" Paul screamed in a really good imitation of an excited girl. He looked the part too, wearing a hot pink mini-skirt (it looked really disgusting), a pink tank top, and flats. Sam was jumping up and down wearing a white t-shirt, black short shorts (once again, really disgusting), and bright pink flip-flops. He was grinning evilly as Paul continued on. "Can I like have your signature? I'm like your biggest fan ever!!"

"Oh come on Paula! Jasper is so hot!!! He's the better one by far!" Sam was giving a grimace while saying that since it just sounded wrong, but it was part of the plan. "I'm so like gonna get him to like kiss me!!"

"Who are these people Alice?" Edward said lowly, winking at me. We hadn't practiced Alice's and Jasper's voices because that was part of our plan. It was to ultimately make it look like Jane had driven us crazy and drive Jacob crazy in the process. He had a suspicion that Jane was the mastermind of the Volturi and controlled the others, so he was set on ending her "dictatorship." Jane had agreed to help us and appear like a crazy control freak that had caused us to have a large case of confused identities. We all had eagerly agreed to do it, not wanting to miss out on the chance to drive Jacob insane.

"I don't know Jasper. The dogs give me headaches so I haven't been seeing anything recently." I replied loudly like I hadn't noticed the fangirls at all. All part of the sweet plan. "I want to shop honey! I'm going to ask Bella and Rosalie and Esme and-"

I didn't continue as all three of the named people reacted. "Rosalie" (Alice) yelled "I'm busy Alice, can't you see that?! Emmett and I are having great fun!" We heard noises from on the bed nearby, but I really knew that Alice was just having a ball rolling around on the mattress.

"Sorry honey. I'm busy rearranging my bedroom." "Esme" (Rosalie) replied.

"Oh, no Alice! Not again. Can you please stop treating me like an oversized Barbie doll?" "Bella" (Esme) moaned loudly. "Besides, I'm busy with these stupid fangirls trying to get to Edward." I heard loud screams of "Edward! Come out my secret love!!", "OME ITS EDWARD CULLEN!!! I'M GONNA MEET _**THE**_ EDWARD CULLEN!!!", "Move aside fatty! I want to get to Edward Anthony Mason Cullen!!", and others. Poor Esme. She had the hardest part of not giving into the stress and just beating the annoying "fangirls" up.

"Fine!" I pouted. "I'll just ask Nessie then!" I hopped off the bed, Paul and Sam following me screeching something about getting a signature. I walked out the room and started to skip for some "Alice-like" movement. I hopped down the stairs quickly, the others following, to where Nessie was staring at me in theatrical horror.

"Mom?" She choked out, appearing surprised.

I frowned. "No, Bella's upstairs dealing with a whole bunch of fangirls I expect. I'm Alice of course! Let's go shopping!!" I said in a really bad interpretation of Alice.

Jacob looked at me with a puzzled expression. "Uh, Bella, I think you're really confused." He said, looking at me with a concerned expression.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm Alice, not Bella!!" I yelled, doing my best to appear confident that I was Alice. That was vital for our plan.

Jacob seemed to actually get it then (in the way we wanted for our plan). His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "So you really are Alice?" He asked.

"Yes!! How many times do I have to tell you that?!" I replied, acting angrily.

"Is Jane still around?" He then asked. He appeared more cocky, so I suspected that the real Jasper had heard and had done that part.

"Yes, why? She's very nice actually." I replied, acting like I meant it. Luckily I could tell that Jacob had fallen for it.

"Where is she?" He asked, the cue for everyone, even Jane, to appear.

"Come back Edward! Come back my secret lover!!!" Several people yelled as "Edward" (Carlisle) slammed the door on them and actually ran a bit, holding hands with "Bella" (Esme). "Emmett" and "Rosalie" soon appeared, wigs appearing ruffled along with their clothing. "Carlisle" and "Esme" also appeared, holding hands gently. Emmett and Rosalie were the best actors so far because they were appearing a lot more relaxed than I thought they would be.

Lastly Jane and the "fan girls" appeared, along with "Jasper". Jane was smiling an evil-like smile while the "fan girls" were screaming for mostly Edward. Some, though, spotted Jacob and started to scream in excitement. Most of those fans were wearing "I heart Jacob" and "I run with the pack" t-shirts. The real Edward looked panicked, like he was the one that had problems with blood.

As he slid up next to me I said quietly, "Calm down honey. It's alright, it's alright." He gave me a small smile like he didn't really believe me.

"Wha- It's your fault! You did this to them!" Jacob accused, pointing at Jane.

She smiled even wider. "Yes, it is my fault, and I plan to do it to the whole world! This is only the second step to my plan of world domination!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"

Jacob was looking kind of crazed at the moment, but still confident and a bit smug. "Well, you forgot Nessie." He replied.

"No, I didn't. I've already controlled her so I could get to you!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!" She cried out crazily.

"Nessie? Is it true?" He said, sounding really crazed by now.

"Jane- must- obey." She said simply like she was brain-washed and started to walk robotically towards Jane.

I was about to start laughing crazily by now, but I had to contain it for the end.

"NOOOOO!!! You will pay!" Jacob said to Jane before he started to stalk towards her.

"Good luck on that!! Minions, attack!!" She said, and we started to walk towards him robotically, saying "Minions-attack-minions-attack-" over and over.

Here was the best part. The real Jasper sent fear through Jacob as he started to scream like a little girl. "Nooooooooo!!!! Stop!!! Don't trust her!!! I know you're all in there somewhere!!!! Don't hurt me, I beg you, don't hurt meeeeeeee!!!!!"

He sounded so funny that we stopped and started to stare at him. He squirmed, not sure what we were about to do, when the real Edward started the laughing. After that we all, including Jane and Nessie, started to laugh hard, throwing wigs off and hugging each other, laughing so hard that the werewolves had tears streaming down their faces.

Jacob looked confused at first before realization dawned on his face. "Oh yeah, so funny. Seriously, that was mean!!" He said.

"We're-sorry-Jacob. We-couldn't resist!" Nessie choked out as she kept on laughing.

I had to say, I thought to myself, that the look on Jacob's face made my day and probably everyone else's, and for weeks we wouldn't let Jacob forget that.

**Wow. No, I don't know all those languages; I used babelfish. So how did I do on my first one-shot? Please review! I love both compliments and critism. :)**


End file.
